Stressed people are attached to stressed feelings. They feel out of control and insecure and are all over the place. In order to compensate for these feelings, they try to control as much as possible of the things they can control. In doing that they give themselves a ‘false sense’ of control.
It doesn’t work.
What does work is to let go of the attachment to the feelings that are causing stress.
A few weeks ago, Elaine talked to me about the little voices in her head, that didn’t stop talking and made her very, very stressed. Elaine’s dad had passed away recently and she kept on going over some events in the past around her father, his cheating with girlfriends and specifically the last one who tried to create a distance between her and her dad.
Events from the past, haunting her in the present. And she had attached herself to them.
Connected with these thoughts were thoughts around her depressed mother (the response to the failed marriage), and worries about her daughter who seemed to be prone to depression. As Elaine said: ‘I can’t stop the thoughts, they flip from one person to another and there is nothing I can do…..’
Luckily, there is a lot she can do.
I asked Elaine to imagine herself as the landlord of a house. Her body the outside, her mind the inside space and her
emotions the energy of the house. She felt in control of the outside of her house. She takes care of her body by eating healthily and exercising. However, the inside of the house seemed to be controlled by other people. Every single room had an occupant she didn’t really want and they brought an emotional energy into her house of worry, anger, resentment and negativity.
Do you, like Elaine, allow people from the past to ‘rent’ your space?
Tips to get the people of the past out of your space:
- List the unwanted renters
- Write each one a letter; as detailed as you want, about their behaviour, how you feel about them, how you dislike their behaviour and at the end of the letter, tell them they have to leave the house.
- Image this free space in your mind (the rooms) and fill it with yourself and with positive emotions (redecorate it).
- If your renter knocks on the door because he wants to come back – believe me, he will try – send him away.
If many other people, other events are occupying your space and they make you unhappy, try this exercise. If this doesn’t help, why not book a FREE Clarity Session to discuss your ‘personal space’ invaders and get clarity on what else you could do.
Are you a control freak? To find out click here