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How to recognise a narcissistic mother

motherMothers have an enormous influence on the development and happiness of their children. A primary relationship that can make or break a person. Luckily, damage that is done in childhood can be repaired, through coaching, processing and learning.

One of the ‘types’ of mothers that are extremely damaging for the healthy development of their children is someone with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. If you have low self esteem, no sense of self, never feel good enough or worthy, you might be the product of a narcissistic mother.

How to recognise a narcissistic mother?

  • Has a grandiose sense of self-importance – the world revolves around her, everybody else in the world is there to serve and it should be an honour to do that
  • Is preoccupied withideas of unlimited success, power, brilliance and beauty – she will always be more attractive than her daughter
  • Believes that she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people – therefore, you will never qualify, because that would bring you up to her level
  • Will choose a partner that adores her – she is building her powerhouse and needs unconditional support from usually a weak person. Could that be your father?
    Requires excessive admiration – daily dose of compliments, spontaneous or asked for
  • Has a sense of entitlement – this translates in unreasonable expectations
  • Values money, class and image – nothing else really matters. Table manners are more important than doing a good deed
  • Chooses a golden child and a scape goat – one gets everything, the other has to build up its own life without any financial or emotional support. Which one are you?
  • Is exploitative – has no problem taking advantage of others to meet their own ends. This of course includes her children
  • Is unreliable – when an opportunity arises that benefits her it becomes her priority, regardless of other promises
  • Lacks empathy: is not able to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others – she doesn’t understand when others are upset
  • Is envious of others and believes that others are envious of her – this includes you
  • Will lie and twist to suit her agenda – any story that works will be presented as the truth and it might make you look like the lier
  • Is emotionally distant and unavailable – she doesn’t understand most emotions and is not interested in emotional connections
  • Is very controlling and never relaxes – she doesn’t get drunk or emotional
  • Acts differently in public than in private – smiling and charming versus sour and vicious
  • Shows arrogant, rude and abusive behaviour – she doesn’t care, because she knows she will get away with it
  • Is highly reactive to criticism – criticism is never well-received and always disputed
  • She never makes mistakes – she is perfect and if things go wrong, others are to blame
  • She reacts with anger to contrary viewpoints – never open to discuss, quick to dismiss or getting angry
  • Always keen to see and point out what is wrong in others – as a daughter, you will recognise this, as you have been often in the wrong (even if you were not)
  • No self awareness – she has a blockage when it comes to looking at herself. She is not interested or capable
  • Very skillful at masking her narcissism – she seems to be liked or respected (or feared) by other people

My mother is the perfect narcissist – of course perfect – and I have managed to leave her behind. If you recognise that your mother has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder and you want to know how I did it and what you can do to escape and repair her damaging influence, book a FREE Clarity call with me and we can connect and discuss how you can start to take ownership of your life, without your mum.


Dr Mariette Jansen will help you overcome stress and live a more productive life. Give her a call to find out how.

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Posted in Confidence, relationships, Understanding emotions
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