How to say no in a nice way

MMM say yes

The title of this blog is a bit misleading, as this is not about saying NO, but about saying YES.

Lots of self-help books will tell you to learn to say no, as well as your partner, your friends, and others who mean well. I am going to explain that it is more important to learn to say YES.

If you get your knickers in a twist (I sooooo love this saying) regularly, because you spontaneously agree to something that you don’t have time for, that doesn’t benefit you, that you can’t do, or don’t want to do, or don’t have to do. But, having made the promise, you feel you can’t get out of it. And you regret having said yes. And you don’t have the confidence to reverse what you said.

Is learning to say NO the solution? Lots of people think so, but I disagree……..

How to say no in a nice way? Confident, because you are clear

It is way more powerful and empowering for you to learn to say a proper YES. A proper ‘yes’ is a response to a request that you have considered seriously, which is reflecting your conscious decision to take it serious and to go ahead. What is the value of a blurred out YES that causes you a lot of aggravation, because you did not take the time to consider the consequences of your reply?

Such a YES is showing your intention, but has no value if you can’t follow it up.

In the moment, saying YES will make everybody happy, but you. And….. there is a price to pay, by you.

Tips on how to ensure your yes is clear and committed?

1.When someone asks you to do something: always respond in a way that buys you time: ‘I will think about it and get back to you by xxx’ or ‘Let me check my diary’ or ‘Sounds great, but let me make sure I am free’. You get the zest here.

2.Then take your time and think of the reasons you would like to say yes.

3.Think about what the consequences are; how does it impact on your schedule, and on the schedules of others. Mums choices can easily affect children or the partner.

4.Then communicate as agreed by phone or text or email and go for the ‘Yes, it will be a pleasure’ or ‘I don’t have the time’, ‘It clashes with …. ‘ or ‘I am have another commitment’.

5.Give yourself a compliment, as you took control of the situation instead of being, subconsciously, being dragged into a situation you are not happy about.

If you find it difficult to say either no or yes, in whatever context, why not have a chat with me? I offer a free session and will give you at least one thing you can do to make life easier. YES!! YES!! YES!! Just email me: mariette@drdestress.co.uk to register.

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