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The pain of drilling and grilling

The art of questioning: drilling down

I help people to change their lives. How? By helping them to think differently. And discover more about themselves, other people and their own life.

The main technique I use is just asking questions. My clients and sometimes friends, love and hate me for my ‘drilling-down’ technique. It is that ongoing ‘next question’ sequence that can be very challenging and annoying. But it is the perfect way to dig deeper and discover the underlying motivation and ideas about someone’s choices and behaviour.

Below is an example, where I help someone to discover what they REALLY aim to achieve.

My goals is to lose 2 stone within one year

Q: Why is that important?
A: Because I will look better than I do now
Q: Why is it important to look good?
A: Because I will feel better in myself
Q: In what way will you feel better?
A: I will feel more confident
Q: What does confidence give you?
A: I will not be so nervous and feel less than the others
Q: Does that meant that you feel less than others?
A: Yes, I do
Q: Would you like to feel equal to other people?
A: I absolutely would love it
Q: Would you feel equal to other people if you lose weight?
A: Yes, I would
Q: Is all you need to do lose 2 stone to feel 100% equal?
A: Well, I have done it before and it doesn’t totally work
Q: In what way did it not work?
A: Even though I felt better in myself, I still felt insecure in a number of situations
Q: What do you think was going on?
A: I wasn’t fat, but I felt fat
Q: What does that mean?
A: That means that I feel less than somebody else, the same as when I was fat
Q: So, it is not just losing weight that needs to happen then?
A: I am now aware that I need to do other ‘stuff’ as well
Q: So, one of the things that will contribute to your confidence is weight loss?
A: Yes, it will. But I also have to do other things to build my confidence

NEW GOAL: I want to be more confident in myself and I understand that weight loss might help, but I know that the first thing I need to do some psychological work on myself.

It is fascinating to go through a sequence of questions, like above and come out the other end with more clarity.

If you want clarity about something (how about a New Year Resolution?), I would be very happy to take you through a series of drilling-down questions, so you arrive at your REAL goal.
To register your interest or book a slot, click here.

 

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Posted in Confidence, Control, Selfwareness
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