Communicate with confidence, say no because you mean it, say yes because you mean it
Communicate with confidence and clarity and you will be seen as confident and clever. You will get your way and there is no confusion. Jade is the tool that will help you to achieve that.
- Do you recognise that the more you say, the more muddled your communication?
- When you explain things, you can feel it getting worse?
- You defend your case but it doesn’t feel good?
When people are insecure they usually present their choices and decisions with a lot of background information, such as a detailed explanation, pro’s and cons, the thinking process and more irrelevant details. Does it help to clarify their points?
Nicola was suffering from anxiety. And one particular situation made her lose sleep, days before it happened: going out with her friends. She was fine to have drinks or go for dinner, but she hated clubbing. And she was invited for a full night out, including clubbing, for her colleagues leaving do.
She knew she was fine with the evening, but she didn’t want to go out after dinner.
And she feared the confrontation when she was not joining. She was scared to tell the others because she didn’t know how to communicate with confidence.
‘Sorry Gemma, but I am not going. I don’t like to be home too late’ – ‘Come on Nicola, just come for a few hours.’
‘Sorry Gemma, I don’t have any money.’ – ‘Don’t worry Nicola, I will buy you a drink.’
‘I have to go home, I have a headache’. – ‘Here are some super-duper pills, they will really help and you can just tag along.’
Olivia was asked to help out with the preparation of an event. She hated it and just didn’t want to do it.
‘I would love to help, but I have to pick up the kids.’ – ‘No problem Olivia, my friend will pick them up.’
‘I can’t do it, I am really sorry but it just is difficult to fit it into my agenda.’ – ‘Well Olivia, it must be easy to change a few things around. What is in your agenda?’
Nicola and Olivia are put in a position that they don’t want to be in. Why do they have to explain themselves? t’s all about fear.
Fear that others might reject their decision or that they might be challenged.
But is it relevant?
What would you do? If you made a decision and you are sure about it, is there any need to defend yourself?
Your decision. Your choice.
You don’t owe anyone a reason for your choices. No one has the right to challenge you, if you don’t want to be challenged.
The way to prevent the challenge is JADE.
One of the best tools to communicate clearly without fear or doubt.
JADE stands for
DO NOT
Justify
Argue
Defend
Explain
Providing extra information as a justification or explanation is an effort to show or demonstrate that something is right or reasonable. But if someone else doesn’t agree with your justification, you could be in trouble. Like Nicola and Olivia.
The best solution is to be short and clear.
For Nicola it is: ‘Guys, have fun. I am going home.’
For Olivia it is: ‘I am not able to help. Good luck.’
End of story.
It works a treat. It eliminates anxiety, brings clarity and puts you in control of your own decisions.
Try it out and let me know how you get on with it.
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