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How I knew I was on top of my confidence

A few weeks ago I was at a networking function. The way to behave is to be open, meet and greet the ones you know and especially the ones you don’t. There was this woman who I’d met before and I went up to here, saying ‘Hi, how are you?

She looked me up and down and said ‘Are we supposed to know each other?’

Even though she wasn’t very kind and inviting, I smiled and explained we had met a few times at another networking event.

These situations can absolutely kill off any trace of confidence and in the past, I would have crumbled.

Not anymore though.

Instead of being defensive and explaining I smiled at her and said: ‘I clearly have a better memory than you have. But for next time I am sure you’ll remember me.’

And I turned away to meet and greet someone else.

It was only later that I thought about it in detail and got confirmed to myself that my ‘internal frame of reference’ is right in place and functioning.

An internal frame of reference is a way of looking at the world from your own perspective, trusting your own experiences, opinions and knowledge. In this case, I knew I had met this lady before. There was no doubt.

If I had an external frame of reference my default position would be to believe her rather than trust myself and I would have felt insecure and vulnerable after the dismissive approach. And doubting myself.

Instead, I felt on top of the situation. It didn’t hurt me that she didn’t recognise me or maybe choose to not recognise me and I put her in her place without being nasty.

Check out if you  have an internal or external frame of reference here.

These are all signals that you have an external frame of reference, which is not helpful for confidence and happiness. Let’s talk about it and let me help you to develop an internal frame of reference and give you more control over your life and your relationships. Click here to book.

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Posted in Anxiety, Confidence, Control
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