Confidence and expectations
Karen was exhausted. She never, ever allowed herself some space. ‘There is always something to do. With two small children and a husband who is hardly home….’ A deep sigh and some fidgeting followed her remark. Karen shared with me she had this dream. It looked like a slow-motion film with a beautiful vagueness, bright eyed children, a dancing mum, a laughing dad and all went as smoothly as it can only be in dreams. This was picture perfect of the family she was aiming for. But Karen’s reality was far away from that dream. Her daily life was filled with dirty clothes, screaming kids, a husband who worked long hours and instead of dancing and smiling, she was rushing like mad, irritated by the mess that her kids made, continuously running errands, feeling resentful because nobody supported her and never feeling in control. She felt very incompetent. She did not live up to her dream.
Sometimes dreams can really block you to see reality and spoil the moment……..
Karen’s idea was visual; she knew that if it looked like that film, she would feel great. But how can what you see, represent what goes on inside? It doesn’t work like that. Most of us will remember the Titanic; that romantic scene with Leonardo and Kate hanging in front of the ship, hair in the wind, music, forever and ever, trust, connection, woohooooo! But I don’t think any of us will aim to replicate that scene in order to feel happy with another person….. The distance between ‘fantasy’ / film and reality is too big. So we don’t copy the idea of how it looks like, we just embrace the feelings, knowing that we will have to create our own Titanic experience.
With fantasies that don’t seem too far off normality, it is easy to get seduced into the picture. Believing that if you recreate the picture, the feelings will be there. But life doesn’t work like that as Kate found out. A reality check helped her to be realistic about what matters most; and that is not how it looks on the outside, but what is going on in the inside.
Tips for a reality check and adjustment:
- Are you telling yourself ‘If only I lived somewhere else / had a different job / had a baby / had a beautiful partner / etc’ you would be happy? If so, make two lists: one list on how it feels and another list how it looks like
- Compare the list of how it looks like in your fantasy with how it looks like in reality
- Pick up the list of how it feels and note down actions you could take to create that feeling, IN YOUR CURRENT REALITY
Often there is a battle going on between thoughts and feelings; they speak a different language, causing stress and anxiety, indecisiveness and confusion. I would not want you to feel like that and I can help you to get some clarity. Sometimes it just needs someone else to point out what you can’t see yourself….. If you like some insight, I can offer you a FREE Clarity Session, where you will get a better understanding of what is going on for you and an ACTION plan to make changes to your situation straight away. You can book via this link. Remember, only a few slots each week, but one of them could be yours.
