I can’t take responsibility, don’t believe I can change – not an empowering selfbelief
It’s all about selfbelief
Alex had attended a few of my lunch hour meditation classes in the past. A great way to de-stress in a hectic city lifestyle. Alex usually came in with a limp and in pain (as a result of MS) and left after an hour walking normally.
I hadn’t seen her for a while, as her condition meant she had to give up working in London, but we connected via a Skype call. She wanted to talk about her confidence. Alex used to be very confident, holding down a high flying job in the city and living life full-on on a daily basis. That changed, when she was hit by Multiple Sclerosis. Most likely stress induced. (MS is a neuro-degenerative disease in which the brain’s communication with the body is blocked, causing symptoms like fatigue, numbness, dizziness and pain). For Alex it meant that one side of her body did not function properly and she was in a lot of pain.
She remembered how well she felt after a meditation session and was enquiring again. The discussion moved on to how much her life had changed through her condition, as she felt she had lost all her confidence. She could not trust her body, she did not have total control anymore and she did not dare to get out of her comfort zone. Which meant that her world became smaller and smaller.
She wanted to be in a better place and she had been working with a personal trainer and took very expensive supplements. But, even though her MS symptoms did not get any worse, she did not feel better in herself. Her confidence stayed on an all-time low. We talked a little bit about how I could help her with my coaching programme, based on teaching her life skills (meditation amongst them) that would put her back in the driving seat of her life. She pondered and pondered and in the end decided not to start.
Reason? No selfbelief Alex had not just lost confidence, she had lost the belief in her own power to heal and build herself up again. She looked externally for a solution through exercise and supplements, which could take the blame for the failure or success. Unfortunately, she did not realise that she needed internal strength and the right mindset as well, to make those work. The loss of belief in her self and her own power, left her stuck.
Hans Oskar Porr (author of The Steps of Essence: How to Live Life Well and Authentically): the words “belief / believe” literally mean “to love and trust, all around, from all sides.” When you believe in yourself, you surround yourself, or rather, you encircle yourself with your own love and trust. As if you build a shield around you. As soon as there is a “crack” in this shield, the energy of doubt will enter. Doubt splits apart; the word doubt originally meant “two” as in “split in two. And it is doubt, which leads you to think you have failed, and subsequently give up. Or in Alex’s case, not even start.
Tips to nurture and grow your selfbelief 1. Remember and celebrate your successes. And this is not only about big stuff, this is about day-to-day achievements as well. Too often we focus on what we did not do right. 2. Do not dwell on negativity and disappointment. It doesn’t help to go through what might feel as a failure. The moment you recognise you start thinking negatively, park it. Refuse to spend energy on it. 3. Set an intention each day at the beginning of the day. Something along the lines of: ‘Today I am going to have a great day, where I will enjoy ….. whatever takes your fancy.’ 4. Practice self-love affirmations. 5. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a friend. With loving understanding and supportive, positive statements.
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