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The incredible impact of blaming

Is blame the name of the game? Feeling a powerless victim?

‘It is not fair. Not after all I did. I don’t deserve it. How can they do this to me? It is out of my control. Nothing I can do about it. I feel powerless, useless, unhappy and frustrated. You are the life coach. You have to give me the solution.’

This seemed to be the theme of the week.

  • Alison said it when she was talking about not getting the promotion she was promised.
  • Bernadette mentioned it when she discovered her partner had an affair.
  • Claudia was feeling like this after she was given a diagnosis of a health condition.

Was it really my task to give a ‘solution’?

Sometimes there is no solution in the way that makes the situation change. The solution or the way forward is the response to the situation.

  1. The first step for all three is to move away from their emotional state of feeling a ‘victim’. That is very challenging as it might feel for all three that they are a victim. They are all facing consequences and they can’t help it. The best way to do that is to stop blaming.
  2. Accept the new situation. It doesn’t mean that they agree, but somehow life happened that way and it is what it is. At this moment in time.
  3. Analyse facts and chains of events that led to the new situation. Could any of them have done something else or were there signs that they ignored? If so, there is a lesson in it. How often do we hear someone or ourselves say ‘In retrospect, I can see the signs’?
  4. Make a plan for your next step forward. Not backwards, but towards the future. What can you do to improve your life or to recover from the shock?

This is true for all of us. If you notice you blame others for what happens to you, you have stepped in the victim role (I can’t help it). The way to get out of that is to stop blaming and to take responsibility for your life. You might not be responsible for how you got in the situation, but you are responsible for what you do with it. And looking at life that way will give you a sense of control, power and self-esteem.

If you are a victim and you would like some help to change this, you can book a FREE coaching call with me. Click here to book your slot.

Posted in Anxiety, Confidence, Control
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