When the years move on and you don’t ..… When retirement looms and you are not ready…
Dian was sitting opposite me. Bit nervous and not sure what to expect. She wanted to see me because she wanted guidance on the next stage in her life. She was to retire in 6 months and she dreaded that moment. Not because she was loving her work that much, but because of the challenge to create a new life. She valued the structure, status and satisfaction that her job gave her.
What would she do without structure after retirement?
We talked about different aspect of her life to get an understanding of who she was and what made her heart sing. And that made her cry. Because she realised that all of her life she had been supporting other people – husband, children, parents, friends, colleagues, her boss – without, at any time, considering what her own needs were. Her husband died a year ago, her children left home and she could only define herself through her job. She felt sad about it. And so did I. She sniffed and told me: ‘I feel as crap and insecure as I did when I was 28. It’s as I have stood still while making a career, being a great mum and living a life that looks really successful.’
Life comes with obligations, financial, practical and emotional, but there is no need to let those obligations dictate all your choices. And Dian’s choices had always been informed by obligation. She had been active to facilitate everybody else to create fulfilment and she lost out. Big time.
The good news is that it is always a good time to change. And Dian was ready to take on a new life with herself as a new person. She was keen to get to know the Dian that had been hiding all those years and her exciting journey started straight away.
How did she start her exciting journey?
Tips to start to discover yourself
- Stop judging yourself and your actions.
- For a week, list each day the actions you like doing – and why – and the action you don’t like – and why.
- Is there a pattern? There is bound to be.
- Is there a way you could change the time spent on actions you don’t like to actions you do like? What does it require? Delegation, being less perfect, not doing somebody else’s tasks?
- If you find a way, just do it.
- If you don’t think you can, book a call with me and I will guarantee that I can help you find a way to start making changes.
This is only the start of a journey, but baby steps get you through a full marathon quite easily. Especially, if you keep on walking!