Narcissist childhood trauma
Firstly, Each person is unique, incredible, with their own specific way of dealing with the world. Some choose a way that makes them happy, others go into a direction that is making them negative or sad. In other words we all have the option of choice.
Taking responsibility for your happiness
Vicky and Tessa grew up in the same family, but if you heard their stories, you wouldn’t recognise them as referring to the same situation.
But Vicky was very emotional and strongly attached to difficult childhood experiences. She recalled situations from childhood far into adulthood, which was making her feel angry and upset. Examples of how she was ignored when she needed support, how she was put down by her mum – even when she had done something really great, and how her mum spoiled special birthdays and milestones. She hated her mother. And she justified those emotions every single day of her life by revisiting events from the past.
Vicky had thoughts, such as, ‘That nasty woman let me be sick and very unwell, while she went out. She didn’t even check on me. She didn’t give a toss….’
Narcissist childhood trauma: Moving away from unhappiness
Tessa wasn’t a happy child either and as soon as she could afford it, she started therapy. Through therapy, she came to understand what was wrong in her family and how she was affected by her narcissistic mother. Tessa’s next step was to see a coach, to help her to move away from the past and become a happy person in the present. Tessa had spent a lot of time processing, which helped her to become detached from her childhood experiences and the narcissistic influences in her family.
Tessa had thoughts, such as, ‘If felt lonely then, but I have created a life with a great partner and I love my own warm family all the more for it.’
Velcro and Teflon
Vicky lives like Velcro, holding on to the past, dwelling on it and reliving it emotionally. Every single day. It doesn’t make her a happy or positive person.
Tessa is like Teflon. She has decided to leave the past for what it is and has taken responsibility for her own happiness. Tessa is a confident, positive and happy woman.
You have a choice
In conclusion, You have a choice; be like Vicky and hold on to past, negative experiences. Or be a Tessa, let it all slide off you and create the space to look at the world without attachments to the negative past.
If you would like to discuss how I can help you to become Teflon, you can book a free coaching call with me.