Being in love is wonderful. But as Scott Peck says (The road less travelled), this has nothing to do with real love or a relationship. It has everything to do with the urge of not wanting to be alone and falling in love makes two people feel like one. In the beginning it works. Everything is wonderful about the other person, about life. You are walking on air.
Until the moment you realise that you are actually not one with that other person. That you are different entities with different emotions, needs and ideas.
That is a shock.
And irritation, arguments and anger are popping up. Disturbing the blissful pink world the two of you had created.
But it is definitely not a bad thing.
It could be the start of a real relationship. You are not drawn to each other from the subconscious place of fear and the longing for one-ness, but you both make the choice to build something beautiful. And both of you are prepared to put an effort in to create a love that inspires both to grow.
So what do you need to build a happy relationship?
- Celebrate your differences
You were attracted to each other. Was it because your partner reminded you of a parent or because they are opposite? It doesn’t matter what it is. What does matter is that you accept and love those differences. Never make it your objective to change the other person.
This doesn’t refer to annoying habits or unpleasant behaviour. Those can change, but the essence of the individual you love is fixed.
Respect for yourself and the other. Abuse, in whatever form, shows a disrespect and devalues. Ensure that your needs are met and that you also support your partner in having their needs met. It becomes a dance between the two of you.
A relationship is a continuous work in progress. It requires alertness, give and take and effort. The most shocking moments are experienced by people who forgot to put the work in and thought all was ticking along nicely. Only to discover that the other had started an affair or just wanted to end.
Every successful relationship has been worked on. If you keep in mind that you are both individuals who love and respect each other and negotiate their differences in a healthy manner, it can’t really go wrong.
If you are struggling in your relationship and wonder how to go from here, why not book a FREE Clarity call with Mariette to find out what you can change?