Why I wrote ‘From Victim to Victor’

Book on overcoming narcissism

On 21 June 2020 (solstice), I launched my book ‘From Victim to Victor’, the narcissism survival guide. And below

I started my speech by explaining what the bird on the cover symbolized for me: freedom.

‘The bird in the cage has managed to open the door and fly into freedom. Entering the blue sky, reaching for the yellow and warm sunshine, enjoying the unlimited space, spreading her wings and feeling empowered.

What a great feeling.

It took me over 60 years to get there.

The one person I have to thank for this immense, intense, immeasurable joy is my mother.

My mother, who worked hard to prevent anything positive to happen to me or my siblings.

Who closed my mouth, shut my heart, pushed me down and made me feel the most unworthy person in the universe.

My mother….

I sooo longed to have a relationship with her. To connect, to be close, to trust, to feel at ease, to love and feel loved…..

I believed it was my fault that we didn’t have that relationship and I put my heart and soul into efforts to create it and tried numerous ways and kept going. I couldn’t give up hope.

Hope that my mother and I could have a loving relationship.

That was the biggest hurdle in my journey.

Giving up hope.

Because with that comes surrendering, stop fighting and trying and instead. accepting that what you really, really want is never going to happen.

Tough.

I read about narcissism. Discovered that my mother had Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I learned how the world revolves around them – that is why she controlled me and set the scene with her in the middle, how they are entitled – that’s why she made me run around her – how she manipulated and controlled, was always right and cold as ice – as empathy and emotions don’t occur in narcissists. Also learned that narcissists don’t change and I realized I couldn’t gain anything from the relationship and i knew I had to cut the cords and I did, 58 years old.

I discovered there are a lot of narcissists around and equally a lot of victims of narcissism. I am not the only one. But I am one of the few who is aware and who can share knowledge and experience and in doing so can help others. That is what this wonderful book is about.

Book on overcoming narcissism, Opening the eyes of people who are in a similar situation as I was and helping them to face reality.

In August 2019 I started writing, in November I realised it was pretty crap, not up to standard at all. In February I had rewritten and restructured and from March the focus was on the production. Lots of editing, getting the cover, proofreading, choosing a font and paper and size and lots of tedious and laborious tasks. But when the doorbell rang on Thursday 18 June, 3 days before the launch, I knew it was all worth it. I opened the door to find boxes with my books and at last, I could hold the content of my heart in a solid format. Thought I was going to cry, but I didn’t. I felt just soooo proud of myself and ready to share my messages with everyone who needs to hear it.

I managed to fly away. Unfortunately, both my brother and sister didn’t get that opportunity during their lives. I have dedicated my book to them. Knowing that I found the voice to speak not only my but also their truth.

Lots of lovely people around me have supported me during the journey in lots of different ways. I might not have got the mother I wanted, but I got a huge mountain of loving, positive and beautiful energy from the people around me. And I love you all.’

Book on overcoming narcissism, The book is available on Amazon.

If you want to hold a book event, I am happy to take copies to sell, do a talk, answer questions and sign. Get in touch via email: mariette@drdestress.co.uk

If you would like to have a consultation with me to check if you have a narcissist in your life, you can book a free coaching call.