Aren’t we all in awe of our England manager? Always immaculately dressed, measured in his comments and absolutely spot-on in his approach to create a strong team. And his approach is not just great for football teams, but will also help in creating a happy and safe family unit, where everyone can excel in being themselves.
The 7 lessons I picked up from him:
- Praise the effort, not the outcome. This is stimulating a growth mindset – the belief that we can get smarter through hard work and good strategies – instead of a fixed mindset – the belief that we can’t change our character, intelligence, and creative ability. A growth mindset makes people take responsibility for their performance, where a fixed mindset takes away your personal power, as ‘you can’t help the way you are’.
- Never praise or criticize a member of the family in front of the others. This will stimulate the ‘top dog’ and ‘alpha male’ competitive behaviour.
- Share and respect each other’s fears and vulnerabilities. It creates an intimacy which makes everybody feel closer and safe.
- Reframe emotions. Instead of being ‘scared’, be ‘excited’. Change ‘I can’t do this’ with ‘I am giving it a go’. Your brain responds to the language you are using, so positive language is more effective.
- Be positive and realistic. Don’t focus on the ultimate goal (like being a world cup football player) but aim for the positive realistic steps in the right direction and celebrate each small achievement.
- Making mistakes is the best way of learning lessons. Use those mistakes as valuable experiences instead of feeling it as a failure. In our family, we use the phrase ‘You live and learn’ after a mistake. And we use it a lot!
- Don’t blur your vision with history (the past) or expectations (the future). Life happens in this moment and that is where you create your life. An example is in families where grandparents can tell how wonderful or not things happened in their time or where family traditions are important. Being independent gives the freedom to create your own stories.
I have enjoyed the World cup and am looking forward to the Euro in 2 years’ time. In the meantime, I will keep my eyes and ears open to pick up more hints and tips from Gareth to improve my own life.
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