Andrea sent me an email about her relationship. She was very happy for a few years, life was full of excitement and so was her relationship. ‘But now we seem to happily go along on autopilot and the spark of the early days seems to be gone. Can we get it back?’
The power of new experiences, the magic of the ‘first time’, makes you feel alive. But it is unavoidable that when a relationship lasts longer, there will be less ‘first-time’ events. It is easy to get into a routine, have predictable situations and move away from that ‘first-time’ sparkle.
Chasing the dragon
My direct answer to Andrea was that she will never get that same spark from the start back. What usually happens is that the ‘being in love’, which is partly responsible for the spark’ develops into a different kind of deeper love. Chasing and hoping for the same excitement is like the heroin addict who chases the same high as the first time he/she used the substance. For Andrea and others in a relationship, it will never be the dragon. However, if you are prepared to put effort in, you can find ways of bringing a ‘version’ of the spark back
How to get the spark back:
- Boring daily life with its practicalities gets easily in the way of the spark. Agree to ban it for at least one day of the weekend. No talk about bills, planning, things to do, etc. It will surprise you how much space it creates for non-practical, fun stuff
- Bring in humor. The spark that humor brings is invaluable
- No matter how long you have been together, there will be unexplored areas. Make a list of 10 things you could do together but have never done (voluntary work, hiking, pastel painting……)
- Role play is brilliant to sparkle. Be Cinderella, Superman or anyone you fancy
- Take it in turns to go through each other’s perfect day. You might learn a few new things about your partner
- Do you need to get the spark back in the bedroom? That’s a whole different topic and there are lot of great books out there to help you. One I absolutely love is 101 nights of grrreat sex – Laura Corn
Give it a go, have fun and discover a lot of new aspects. In yourself and in your relationship.
Are you lacking the confidence to do this? Why not have a chat with me during a FREE Coaching Call. Yes, no cost involved. You can register by clicking here.