Contact Dr Mariette Jansen Now

How to deal with guilt

My recent column in Darling has just seen the daylight and it is all about  how to deal with guilt. That low vibrational emotion, that kills the joy, exhausts the system and doesn’t have any benefits.

Eva was a good person, thinking about others, kind and helpful, but she didn’t feel good about herself. It was really weird how she almost always felt she was wrong and blamed herself for what was happening.

When her teenage son doesn’t arrive at school in time, because he didn’t get out of bed in time, she feels a huge rush of guilt.

Eva’s dog is limping. She feels really bad about it. Thinking that if she hadn’t gone for that long walk last week, he might have been okay. The guilt is kicking in.

Eva’s friend has problems in her marriage. Eva supports her, listens, gives advice and feels for her. But she also feels guilty that she has a lovely husband.

Guilt is a low vibrational emotion and will drag you down.

What to do when you feel guilty?

  1. Is this a familiar scenario? You make yourself responsible for other people’s (and animal’s) situations. And then blame yourself for the outcome. If it’s not your responsibility, you are not to blame.
  2. The emotion of guilt is healthy if it is about something you did wrong. It is an alarm button and it will encourage you to make it better again. However, Eva hasn’t done anything wrong. When she feels guilty, she should check: ‘Did I do something wrong?’ If not, then it a sign to eliminate the guilt.
  3. Being susceptible to guilt is often rooted in ideas that you grew up with. Along the lines of ‘If you really love me, you wouldn’t be naughty’ to a child. ‘You should always put others first’, ‘A good parent controls their child’, and more. Eva discovered that she was made to belief that ‘A good person aims to make others happy’. But didn’t realise that this only makes sense if there is a sense of control. And if she can’t influence the situation or behaviour, there is no reason to feel guilty.

For all of you who struggle with guilt, I have written ‘The guide to guilt free living’ and you can receive that in your inbox by clicking here.

Tagged with: , , , ,
Posted in Confidence, Relationships, Self-awareness
Loading Facebook Comments ...

Leave a Reply

What people say about working with me….

You are reading an award winning blog

Free ebook for anyone who needs a better work-life balance and is craving some ME time. Click the picture and get immediate access to a life changing strategy