Self-love vs self-care
Agnes was not happy. Over the years she had read loads of self-help books – working on her ‘shelf’-development – and also went through a few therapists. She knew exactly what she needed. It was loving herself. The problem was that she didn’t know how to create it. And that frustration only added to her unhappiness.
She made sure she had regularly a massage, did things she enjoyed, ate healthily, but all that didn’t raise her happiness levels.
What Agnes needed was to love herself.
No, that’s not woohoo and not soft.
It is a basic requirement to ground yourself in life and that is the same for all of us.
Who travels with you during life from birth till death?
Does it not make sense to treat that person lovingly?
Self-care doesn’t work without self-love
And even though Agnes took care of herself, she lacked the love.
If the relationship with yourself is loving, you won’t put up with disrespect or allow others to take advantage of you. You also give yourself what you need and then the self-care automatically falls into place. There are different reasons why self-love is a challenge instead of a natural predisposition. If your upbringing lacked the love, if you have been under the spell of a narcissist or if you have been put down time and again it might never have developed or it has disappeared.
Whatever the reason, the key question is how to build that loving relationship.
Tips on how to start the self-love
- Notice your internal dialogue: how often are you judging yourself, telling yourself off and being unkind? ‘Don’t be so stupid.’
- Is what you are saying helpful for your happiness? If not, stop doing it.
- Instead start to develop an accepting, positive and loving approach in the way you speak to yourself. Treat yourself the way you treat your best friend.
- Observe your behaviour and achievements and make a note of every time you are kind and every time you do something you are pleased with. Or write it all down before you go to sleep.
- Smile towards yourself and appreciate who you are. It is not about changing, it is about being and accepting. You are great, beautiful, special, unique, worthy and loveable. Just the way you are.
If you are struggling, why not book a free coaching call with me?
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