- Do you want to have control and do it all yourself?
- Are you struggling to ask for support?
- Are you brilliant at making your life difficult
Stella felt embarrassed and upset. She had screwed it up and needed to ask for help. There was no other way. But Stella really struggled. In her head was this little voice telling her: ‘Stupid girl, why didn’t you get it right?’ and ‘What will first name say when I ask to help me out?’ and ‘Everyone else is doing it correctly. What is wrong with me?’
The perfect internal dialogue for Stella to make her feel better.
Why is it such a big thing for a lot of us , especially for the control freak, to ask for help?
Could it be that it is about:
- Admitting your inability?
- Worrying you show your vulnerability?
- Feeding your low confidence?
- Thinking you owe the person who you ask for help?
- Dreading losing your reputation?
- Feeling upset you show your inadequacy?
- Being concerned that people won’t rate you?
- Disappointing yourself?
- And there might be other reasons.
Let’s shake you up a bit.
What would you do if Stella asked you for help?
Would you laugh at her, embarrass and dismiss her? Tell her to fxxx off and never speak to you again? Ignore her from then on and gossip about her situation and inability?
Most likely you would be empathic and try to help her as best as you can.
And how would that make you feel?
I guess you would feel good about yourself, flattered she asked you, pleased you could help.
By asking for help, Stella offered you a gift. The opportunity to be kind and reaping the benefits of kindness. One of those is that performing acts of kindness triggers the release of serotonin, a neurotransmitter that plays a role in mood stability and oxytocin, making you feel loved and emotionally stable (want to know more, click for research).
Conclusion: asking for help is an act of kindness.
If you struggle with asking for help, why not ask me to help you in a free coaching call?