Improve your confidence at work
About being assertive in the office
I remember the fear!
Early in my career, I was a marketing executive in a computer firm. A very masculine environment and I was the only woman who was not a receptionist or a PA. The marketing team was me and my boss and we shared a PA, called Annemiek.
This woman scared me to death! She was taller than I was and she always looked down on me. She was also unfriendly and quite bitchy in her comments. I felt like a little ant, about to be flattened by her shoe. Her approach to my boss and the sales boys was the total opposite: all smiles and keen to help out. The frosty approach and a skilful attitude of ignoring me were for me. Unfortunately, I could not ignore her back, because I needed her to do tasks for me.
How to deal with her?
I held on to the soft approach. Was nice to her. And gentle. And when she needed to do something for me I would as her tentatively if she ‘maybe could do something for me, whenever she had time?’ Her response would usually be along the lines of a cool look, making me feel like a piece of dirt, then she would dimissevly shrug her shoulders and say: ‘Maybe, just lay it there.’
I couldn’t get out of her room quick enough, relieved I had finished the encounter, but I did not give her a clear brief or a time frame for the task, so I was totally depending on her. I just had to wait.
What to change
This was not a good situation because I was on the bottom of her list as all the male requests came first and she really hindered my performance. One night I read Dr Wayne Dyers ‘Pulling your own strings’ and I recognised myself as a helpless and powerless person, when I was at work. Wayne’s tips were to not feel and behave like a victim, but to step into your power. The way to do that is to clearly communicate what you want: speak with a firm voice, don’t ask but tell. This was leading to one of the most significant steps in my professional life. I wrote down how to talk to Annemiek and rehearsed in front of the mirror. The next day, sweaty hands and bouncing heart, I walked into her office, smiled and said: “Good morning Annemiek, this press release need to be copied and prepared for distribution by 2pm this afternoon. Thank you.” I handed her over the paperwork, she nodded and I walked out. And by 2pm all the work was done.
The big change was how I behaved. I clearly communicated with confidence. I didn’t feel it on the inside, but it was the first step to a more confident me.
Want to read more about confidence?
The 10 secrets of a confident mindset
9 golden rules to be confident with other people
Tips to present yourself with confidence
