Divorce, bereavement or shock? What’s next?

Carol felt unhappy, bitter and stuck for the last 4 years and no sense of control of her life. A 38 year old divorcee since three years. She thought her marriage to Ben was ‘sort of okay’. No great shakes, not deliriously happy, but they seemed to get on, had sex a few times a month, he was an okay dad for their 6 years old daughter and everything ticked over. Until she discovered Ben had an affair for the last 4 years; she was in total shock, as this was not something she had expected. The divorce procedure was tough, as Carol wanted to squeeze as much out of Ben as she could and now, as a free woman, her emotional world is still defined by her ex-husband and she is unable to move forward to a happier life.

What is going on?

When people face an unexpected shock, the first natural reaction is a range of strong feelings: disbelief, anger, desperation, protest, sadness, and more. Some time after the first explosion of emotions, people then retreat into the waiting room. The waiting room of life. Time and space to process, re-group and get ready……

Do you recognise that for yourself?

When you are in the waiting room, it looks as if you are still participating in life, as in doing the things that need to be done: work, shopping, socialising (maybe not as much as you used to) but your heart is not in it. It is as if you are an observer, and you are not really engaging. You go through the motions, but don’t feel the connection with your heart. The outside world will think that you are doing really well. You are really strong.

Being in the waiting room is needed to go through your emotional process and prepare yourself for the next stage in life. You can use your time here to cry and scream, read more, have consultations, find out what you want to do next and how you are going to do that. The waiting room is a necessary place to be in, for a certain amount of time. It is not healthy to stay there for the rest of your life. Carol is still in the waiting room, 4 years after she entered. And she got stuck in her feelings of resentment and her actions of ‘getting back at Ben’. All understandable, for a short time. All very damaging for Carol’s chances of happiness, in the long run. Carol still allowed the tragic events of the past, to define her and her happiness.

I am offering a FREE Coaching Session to help you to make the most of your time in the waiting room. It’s free, it’s not going to take longer than an hour and it is aimed to help you.

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