The challenge and benefits of clear communication

A lot of times our confidence is undermined by unclear communication. Caused by ambiguity in the underlying message. Someone makes a statement and you think you know what they mean, but very often, the message will have a range of meanings, and it can knock you about when you think (!) you misunderstood. The same happens when you make a statement, thinking that is a clear message, only to be knocked by the response you get, which makes clear that the other person has a total different interpretation.

Discover what are you really saying or hearing

When you say or hear something, do you get the real meaning of the message? Often, we can feel uncomfortable with an action or statement, without knowing why. Very undermining for confidence when you can’t put the finger on what is going on.  Training yourself in discovering the hidden meaning in actions and message will help you to understand better what is going on and feel more in control.

How often do you say what you really mean? How often are you aware of what you are saying? Recently, a client, let’s call her Angela, called me to discuss if it was possible to give her final session to a friend of hers. The friend was in need of support as she was low, indecisive, negative and unhappy. It comes across as a very nice gesture from Angela, but if you look at this process closely, what is going on?

What are the (possible) messages in Angela’s idea? Most likely a combination of some or even all of these.

1. I am not as important as my friend – I am submissive to her

2. I need it less than she does – I am patronising her

3. I have given myself more than enough – I feel selfish and ego-centered

4. She deserves it more than I do – I value her more than myself

5. She would be grateful to me – I build up credit for a future situation

6. She would like me more – I want her to see me as a good friend

7. I feel good by giving it away – I justify my existence and my value by doing something for someone else

8. I ignore my own needs – Why should I care for myself…..

9. I feel uncomfortable getting something that she would benefit from as well; I have more than she has – It is bad to have more / do more and not share

10. I want my friend to feel better – I feel better when she feels better

There might be even more messages hiding underneath.

Exercise: imagine you are Angela and go through each single statement. What would be the layers in your action of giving away your session? Get rid of any judgment. Discoveries are never helped by a critical attitude. You might be in for some surprises 🙂

Life coaching Surrey

Part of my coaching is to invite my clients to think. Understanding yourself and your actions – without judgment – will help you to make the changes and choices that support you to be who you really are: the FREEDOM to be you. If you want to receive my FREE hints and tips, like the above, click here

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Tags: tips, confidence, communication