Narcs will use people for their benefits. It is never about you, it is always about them. When you are shining, they want you to shine your light on them, they will bask in it and make it all about them. They will never allow you to outshine them, so they take your shine away.

Ways to make them shine and become their trophy

My mother (the blueprint narc) would never compliment me on anything. When I was at uni, paid for by myself, she apparently spoke proud words about me to her friends. Telling them how well I did and that I passed another exam with flying colours…. She would never ever say something to me.

I hadn’t invited my parents to my graduation as it felt like it was more in spite of them than thanks to them that I got to the finish line. But guess who turned up? So they could talk to their friends about the graduation as if it was theirs.

Another graduation example is where the client was to wear her gown and headgear. But her narcissistic mother picked up the graduation cap and didn’t take it off for the whole day. The graduate didn’t have a single photo with her complete kit.

In a romantic relationship the wife is there to alleviate the status of her husband/fiance. She is ‘asked’ to wear certain clothes, behave in a certain way, to show others how successful he is. And of course, similar for the husband/boyfriend.

If you are in contact with a narc for a while, you might have noticed how they copy your great ideas and solutions, pretending it’s them who came up with it. At first they are dismissive of what you bring to the table, only to nick your ideas and present them as their own.

As status is important for the narc, they might boast about their possessions, or their partner’s or parent’s possessions. ‘We have a boat, a house abroad, a Porsche, blablabla’.

How to deal with being a trophy for a narcissist

A narc doesn’t respond pleasantly to not getting their way or being criticised. If you notice you are the trophy, you might not like it, but I suggest you use the grey rocking to keep yourself immune. Grey rocking is the technique of emotional detachment. Preventing yourself from having an emotional reaction means that you can just let it go and not be affected.

The best way to keep yourself safe and sane is to go with the flow and accept your role in that situation and just play the game.

It is not right to be used and abused, but it is also important to survive with the least possible harm done.

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