Control freaks NEED control

I want some control in my life and I guess that is what you want to. Control gives a sense of security, takes out unexpected surprises and keeps you calmer. As with anything that we do, it depends on how far you go to stay in control.

Being well-organized and getting things done is great, but overdo it and you start acting like a ’control freak’. If you’re a super-organized, decisive, action person, is it possible you’ve taken it too far? Is it possible you can only be happy when everything is in and under control? Do you feel insecure or anxious when you don’t know what will happen next? Could you be a control freak?

Control freaks, according to psychologists, come in two basic flavours, with many of them showing signs of both.

Fear of being found out – control freak

‘I need to hold it together, all the time’ – type has a pervading, unconscious fear of loss of control of situations. They plan, keep always an eye on the time, think ahead and get anxious and reactive in situations that are confusing or unpredictable.

Think of the woman who is holding down a demanding job. She is doing well, but she doesn’t really believe in herself. She wants everything to be done perfect, so when she is being found out (her fear that others see her how she sees herself) it can’t be too bad…. She can’t delegate and is on top of every team member, is focussing on details and can’t let go.

Need to prove themselves – control freak

‘I am better than you are’ – type is motivated by unconscious power needs. There is this strong urge to prove themselves, be in charge, and get their way. They might not have it right, but they can’t consider that option, it needs to go the way they want it.

Think about the mum who dresses her children in perfectly ironed blouses and skirts, all colour co-ordinated and neat and tidy. She looks at them and smiles, because she feels in control. Until one of her children climbs a tree, tears the blouse and smears the face. The mother is shouting and feels really annoyed, almost angry. Her picture perfect is in pieces. Unfortunately, she relies on others to show her off her worthiness as she lacks the inner confidence.

f you recognise being one of those and want to talk about it, just book a FREE Clarity Call with me and find out how you can make a start with immediate changes.