Positive argument: Arguments benefit from the funeral approach in communication
Nora was in a loving relationship. She knew her husband Peter genuinely loved her and she was besotted with him. It wasn’t the feeling aspect of her relationship that bothered her. But what kept her awake at night was a returning issue about his love for Liverpool FC. Peter had been a fan all his life, so did his entire family. Liverpool’s schedule dictated their weekends and the time they could spend together as Nora was not into football and definitely not into Liverpool. Peter’s availability was dictated by his club and Nora felt shortchanged. She sometimes thought that he loved Liverpool more than her.
Every time she tried to discuss the topic it turned out into an ugly argument between two highly emotional adults. And often it ended with tears from both sides and no conclusion. They made up, said sorry, made love and just waited till the next argument came up.
Having encounters like this doesn’t do anything for a relationship. Throwing out emotions and not being able to talk properly is not helpful.
If Nora and Peter want to work something out, they should use the funeral speech approach. Where they both withdraw from the emotions and focus on delivering a clear message. Those messages will be, no doubt, miles apart. But
Funeral speech
We all know moments in life when the most important thing is to deliver a message.
To be clear, capture your audience and ensure that everybody knows what you said.
One of those moments is at a funeral when you deliver a speech for or about someone who is on their last journey. To share experiences, information and emotions with the audience. And you get one chance to do it. There is no opportunity to do it again, so it better be good.
I have done a few times a funeral speech and it is very challenging.
Writing the content is one thing. It can be very difficult, but it’s done in your own time. There is a sense of control. You can allow emotional engagement and can burst into tears at any time it feels right and you can make changes to your draft a number of times.
Delivering the content is a different ball game.
In order to be able to deliver it is important to step away from any emotional engagement. Because emotions will block your delivery. So, you don’t look at the audience, you don’t think about the deceased one and you only look at your paper or into the ceiling when speaking. That way you can protect yourself from losing control.
When it is about clear delivery
A funeral speech approach can be very helpful in interpersonal communications. When you need to discuss a highly emotive situation, it is easy to be overwhelmed and taken over by the emotions. Which makes it impossible to have a proper exchange. Therefore, disengage from feelings, prepare the facts and discuss the matter rationally.
Another article on effective communication in relationships.
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