In this article, you will discover 7 typical text messages from a narcissist, why they use this type of communication and how it can affect you.
Narcissists aim to unsettle their victims in all sort of ways and text messaging is an excellent tool for that. It offers plenty of opportunities to be evasive, rude,
A narcissist puts themselves in the centre of the universe and manipulates and controls the people around them to get their Narcissistic Supply: attention and adoration. They are like toddlers. It doesn’t matter if it is negative attention, as long as they are getting noticed.
How does a narcissist use text messages?
This is a process. It takes some time because your narcissist is playing a game: push and pull. They put you down, but then lift you up. It is confusing and you will start noticing yourself on that sea-saw of fear and hope.
Overload of text messages
They will throw a barrage of messages in your direction. They expect a quick response and it is their way to occupy your mind. It is difficult to concentrate on something else when every few minutes a text comes flying in.
Inconsistency in the feeling element
Your narcissist will alternate the warmth with the cold. This is to create confusion in you. You don’t know what to expect: is it going to be fun and positive or are you on the receiving end of a put-down? How about a sequence like this:
- Hello gorgeous, I am missing you. Can’t wait to see you. Tell me what you are up to.
- Don’t text me so often, I am busy and can’t concentrate.
- Why didn’t you answer my text message?
- When I say don’t text me so often, I didn’t mean for you to ignore me. Makes me feel you don’t like me.
Ambiguity in the messages
Playing with words might mean you are constantly decoding the messages. What do they mean, exactly?
- Yesterday was fun. Even though I have a headache now. Thanks.
- Shall we meet up at the weekend? After you say yes, silence follows.
- You are a good friend. Nearly as close as my other friend.
The power of silence, where you wonder where the hell your narcissist is gone? Out on the razzle? Off on holidays? Ill?
Fake caring message
Random messages that show they care, but that don’t mean anything in real life. Especially after a period of ghosting.
- Hey, hope you are okay. Haven’t heard from you in a while.
- Just wondered how you are, lovely person.
- I have missed you.
And then talking about honesty and caring. How they hate liars and cheaters and how they are not like that.
It is never about you
Questions about you are not being asked. It is about them and they ramble on and on. They tend to send a lot of selfies and it feels very much a one-way system.
When the relationship gets a bit tricky and your narcissist senses they might lose control, you receive these very, very long messages with explanations, half-apologies, promises to change and more drivel. All aimed to keep you interested and engaged.
Texting offers plenty of opportunities to overstep boundaries (time of texting), ask inappropriate questions and make rude and unsettling remarks.
If that happens and if your text conversations show the above indicators, why not step away and stay in control?
A close connection with a narcissist will harm you, undermine your confidence and definitely lead to unhappiness.
If you have a narcissist in your life and want to learn how to deal better with them, my best-selling self-help book ‘From Victim to Victor – Narcissism Survival Guide’ will give you insights, tools and techniques.