Renee was pissed off and massively annoyed with her partner and couldn’t stop telling me about his behaviour. How he never seemed to listen, how he made the house a mess, how he was pre-occupied with work, how the only thing he did during a dinner party was opening bottles while she did all the rest, how she was the organiser and it seemed he didn’t give a toss, how he let her go on her own to the theatre as he was too tired………….. and then I stopped her. I had heard enough.
As she wanted to talk about her issue with me I presumed Renee wanted to make it work, but I had to check that out first. So I asked her: ‘If he is such a pain why are you still with him?’ Might be direct, but it cut to the chase. She looked a bit bewildered and answered that they were planning to get married and have a family. It almost sounded as if the arrangement kept her in the relationship. But, is that enough?
Or was something else going on?
When I asked her what attracted her to him in the first place, her face lit up and she became very animated. He was incredibly funny, easy to talk to, he treated her with respect, he was very empathic and sensitive and they loved the same outdoor activities. He brought her little surprises and she felt loved for who she was.
Doesn’t that sound fantastic?
Mike Dooley (spiritual teacher) always stresses that your thoughts become things. So choose the good ones! Renee made her life a misery by focussing on the current negative aspects of her relationship. I suggested her to pay attention to what she loves about him and why she fell in love with him in the first place.
Whatever you want to see is what you will see. Renee had pushed the positives of her relationship to the background in favour of irritations. She fuelled the negativity and made them both unhappy.
After a week she called me saying: ‘Thanks Mariette. That was incredible helpful advice. I almost forgot what a great guy he is and how well we are suited. The irritations seem little and unimportant and it’s easier now to let them go. I am also kinder to him, and in return he is more considerate and we had a great week together. Amazing, how something so simple can have such an impact.’
I know, one of my slogans………………
If you are annoyed or irritated by a friend, a child, a family member or your partner, start looking for the things you love about them and focus on those. Your irritation will evaporate immediately.
Sometimes it seems impossible to step over irritations. If you face that situation there is most likely an underlying issue and if you want to find out more about that, I suggest you book a FREE Clarity call with me and find out more.