What do they have in common?
Do you love connecting with others?
Are confused why some relationships work and others don’t?
Not being able to put your finger on it?
Relationships are important for us, social animals. We need to connect with others and several studies show that people with an active social life not only feel happier but also live longer.
However, sometimes relationships can be difficult and challenging.
Think of the narcissistic mother, who blames her daughter for everything that doesn’t work in her life.
Think of the controlling partner, who wants to dictate every move or their lover.
Think of the dictatorial friend, who tells others what to do.
Values are the building blocks of solid relationships
One of the important building blocks in relationships are values: basic and fundamental beliefs which guide attitudes and actions. Values are personal qualities you aspire to adhere to, becoming the person you want to be. It informs how you treat yourself and others, how you interact with others and the world around you and helps to make decisions.
Values are the foundation of all you are doing and thinking. They are usually positive and capture beliefs about what is right and wrong, a moral compass and your deeper drivers.
When what you do and how you behave matches your values, life feels good. There is a sense of contentment, safety and satisfaction. But when your values aren’t aligned with your actions, you wouldn’t feel happy.
Find the common and different values
One of the main reasons that relationships don’t work is rooted in differences in values. If honesty is important to you, you will struggle to deal with someone who embraces dishonesty. When you don’t care about material and wealth, but your friend does, you lack a connection. When your values are violated in a relationship, it can never work in favour of your happiness. If your values are validated and confirmed, you might be onto a winner.
- What are your values as a person, a friend, family member, professional and romantic partner?
- What do you think of the values of the person you have a challenging relationship with?
- Maybe you can check out subtly if there are conflicting values?
- And then you can adapt your expectations, topics of conversation and how open you want to be with them
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