‘My child is gone and I am losing it’. But exactly what is she losing?
Recently I met Jaqui in my coaching room. She came in feeling wobbly. She admitted that since mid August she didn’t feel herself. She was dreading September, the month her DD (darling daughter) was going to leave home. Off to uni. To a life of excitement and discoveries. A life without mum. ‘I even secretly hoped she didn’t get the grades that gave her access to the university of her choice, as it is about 500 miles from where we live. I feel very bad about it, but I really wished for it.’
‘Why are you so upset Jaqui? Are you worried about your daughter?’ She answered that her DD was responsible and down to earth and she would no doubt manage easily.
As the upset wasn’t about the daughter, it must be about Jaqui herself. ‘What are you really worried about then?’ That was when the wobble turned in to a waterfall of tears. Jaqui felt lost. For the last 18 years she had been focussing on DD and her identity was defined by the parental role she played. With DD gone, a huge part of her own life was gone. And the future was a big dark void. Her confidence is at an all-time low and she feels quite useless.
Jaqui has been focussing on her role, which was a great excuse to not focus on herself and her own development. She made herself dependant on her DD. Her sense of self was diluted by the safety of the mother role. She forgot to like, know and respect herself. And when DD wasn’t around anymore, she realised how low her confidence was as well.
Feeling sad when your child is gone makes sense.
Needing time to adapt ditto.
But when you feel devastatingly lost, like Jaqui, it is time to start finding yourself again.
It’s not only in a parental role where people lose their identity. It happens when work defines who you are, an obsession, an addiction or a co-dependent relationship.
I have defined a specific coaching module to help people like Jaqui. It’s called ‘Finding ME’ and involves just 4 coaching sessions to get your confidence and sense of self back.
If you are interested, just send me an email.
If you prefer to discuss what is going on for you and if I can help you, you can book a chat with me to find out more.