Are you in a narcissistic relationship? If you are in doubt, check out the 7 signs below. Be as honest as you can. Don’t make excuses for your partner, just look at the facts.
1. Overwhelmingly romantic and quick
As narcissists are very good at presenting themselves as attentive, loving and lovely for a short period of time, they are keen to make the courting period short and intensive. A narcissistic relationship usually starts as a dream: the narcissist sweeps their partner to be, off their feet, are all over them, telling them ‘you are the one’ and ‘how could I have lived without you’ and are in a hurry to take the relationship to a different level. One lady I spoke to was proposed to within 3 days after she met her husband to be and within 6 months they were married. That was when the fairy tale turned into a nightmare.
2. The rhythm of warm and cold
Your narcissist will behave unpredictably. One moment they are warm and loving, the next you get the cold shoulder. Maybe because you didn’t do as they requested, maybe because they want to let you know that you need to deserve their love. It is difficult to predict what you will receive, but it will unsettle you.
3. Your partner is incredible
Clever, successful, pretty, powerful and more and you are soooooo lucky to have him or her. Because how could someone like you entice someone like them… Don’t ever forget that. This is one of their power tools.
4. Any situation or discussion ultimately will revolve around them
If you want to discuss a work topic, they will bring it back to their work. If you talk about your marathon training, they will start talking about their exercise or non-exercise challenges. The focus of attention needs to be on them.
5. There is no empathy in a narcissistic relationship
You will not get the ‘oh poor darling, what a terrible situation for you. It must be so sad, difficult, upsetting…. ‘ The reaction you will get would be more along the lines of dismissiveness, shrugging shoulders and changing the subject. They simply don’t understand emotions and emotional support.
6. You will notice you are moving between hope and fear
Fear for doing something wrong (in your partner’s eyes) and getting punished via put-downs, being blanked, change of plans where what you want is not going to happen and sometimes even violence. Hope that all this will pass and that you will experience those feelings from when you just started off. But underneath the hope and fear, is a belief that you are a little nothing and you wouldn’t be able to live without them. The message your partner sends you is around how difficult, demanding and insignificant you are. No one would put up with you, apart from them. They instil fear and insecurity in you that will prevent you from stepping out of the narcissistic relationship.
7. The narcissistic partner is always right and in control
Discussing their behaviour and criticising them is not an option. Your narcissistic partner will get very angry if you challenge them. They know it all and who are you to doubt them?
Are you in a narcissistic relationship?
You have two choices. Both are pretty demanding but very different.
The difference in outcome is the difference between imprisonment and freedom.
Choose to stay, as you believe in your partner, you have seen their inner beauty or maybe you want to save them….. If so, manage your expectations and look for other people to meet your needs.
If not, be prepared for a nasty break-up from the narcissistic relationship with the reward of freedom.
If you would like to check if your partner is a narcissist, I can take you through a checklist during a free coaching call. To book one of those slots to, click here and choose your time.
Also, check out my book ‘From Victim to Victor’ – Narcissism Survival Guide. You might benefit from reading this.