YES, YES, YES that’s me, never able to say that other word…..
Are you a chronic people pleaser?
Are you desperate to gain other people’s approval?
Are you neglecting your own needs?
Making others happy through people pleasing can’t be bad, can it?
Erin was always busy.
She told herself she loved it.
Running errands for her family and others.
On the road and on the go.
One little hiccup though….
Erin was so busy that it started to annoy her, because it stressed her out. And she didn’t like it. But with too many obligations, she didn’t know how she could possibly make changes.
Without upsetting or disappointing anyone.
Without being criticised.
Without feeling bad about herself.
I can’t say no
Another little nuisance was that Erin had a limited vocabulary. The keyword that was missing was a tiny but impactful word NO. She had taught herself a long time ago to forget that NO existed and so she told herself she couldn’t say it. Ever.
Seriously, Erin is a nightmare. Most of all to herself.
How people pleasing affects healthy relationships
Being too nice or too agreeable may seem like a recipe for great relationships at first, except that it doesn’t work the way you expect. There are several problems with this people pleasing approach:
- If you tend to neglect yourself for the sake of others, you will attract users and takers, such as lazy and abusive partners, co-workers and friends.
- If you always go out of your way for friends and family, people easily forget that you also have emotional and physical needs. You would never spell it out, but of course you need other people’s support and attention. And will be disappointed.
- People like Erin hide their real feelings and opinions (not being authentic) for the sake of being agreeable. This is not particularly interesting for others and any friendship or relationship might fizzle out quite quickly as it is uncomfortable when people don’t ever show up as themselves….
- People pleasers are neutral and bland, hiding themselves and preventing others to connect with them. That blocks deeper, meaningful and intimate relationships.
- There is an element of resentment that most people pleasers carry as others don’t care in the same way for them, don’t do as much as they do and they feel they are not being valued. And that might be true….
Being on the People Pleasing Spectrum will hardly serve you.
But where are you on that?
Find out via the quiz by clicking here.
For anyone who notices they are on the People Pleasing Spectrum and want to make a change, book a free coaching call with me to discuss your next steps.
I used to be on the top end of People Pleasing, and now, I am soooooo on the other side. It is all about learned behaviour. And what you have learned, you can de-learn.
