Separating emotions from facts
Can you be upset about simple things for a long time?
Do you go over and over the same events?
Is it difficult to step away?
‘It is not the snake bite that kills you, it is the poison it leaves behind.’ One of the statements being used by Dr Wayne Dyer, a well-known spiritual teacher, in a lot of his writings and talks. It is a metaphor for the impact of a simple event. What happens in the moment, the bite, just passes. But if you carry the event with you, think it through, analyse it, harbour it as negative and can’t let go, it becomes poisonous. And the person who suffers most is you.
It has taken me 4 decades to let go of poison. Trust me, I know the process. I grew up with a narcissistic mother (read more here), but of course, that is not something I was aware of. What I wanted most in my life, was being loved by her. Instead of getting the love, I got the dismissiveness and the put-downs. And I carried the pain of that for all those years. I let it fester inside me, it became a really nasty infection until I cut it out.
Other examples of poison
The teenager who shouts at you (being their parent) ‘I hate you’ to get rid of some frustration – the bite. You are so upset about it, feeling the pain and not being able to let it go for the whole day – the poison.
Your friend puts you down. It hurts – the bite – and you keep on thinking about it, planning a ‘revenge’, feeling angry and less worthy – the poison.
You are diagnosed with a condition that impacts the quality of your life – the bite. It is very upsetting but if you keep on asking ‘why me’ and saying ‘it’s not fair’, feeling angry and resentful, the condition will overtake your life – the poison.
Tips on how to let go of the poison
The bite is always a factual action or event.
It becomes poisonous because you attach emotions to it.
Separate the fact from your emotions!
Process your feelings immediately; acknowledge how you feel, acknowledge that your feelings have nothing to do with the activating event but most likely with earlier ‘bites’ in your life.
In the case of the condition, moving forward and finding ways how to deal with it will prevent the poison to spread.
And then……. You let it go.
Would you like to discuss your personal struggle with ‘snake bites’? You can book a FREE coaching call with me by clicking here.